The Confession!!

“Madam ticket please, where do you want to go?”, asked the bus conductor, but the person didn’t pay any heed. The bus conductor asked again, more firmly but all in vain. She was completely engrossed in her thoughts. He then asked the person sitting next to the lost cause to bring her to senses to pay for the ticket. Finally, it worked and the conductor asked again,” Where do you want to go?”. “Goa “, the voice came from her.

The girl took the ticket, kept it in her purse and went back to the same position as she was before. She leaned her elbow on the grill of the bus’s window and kept her face on the elbow, to feel the cool breeze and went back to where she was, in her past.

‘Life is amazing, weird, partial, frustrating and what not. Just like a rainbow, life also has shades which completes each other and without it, there is no meaning. At one moment you feel like you have everything and within a blink of eye, you are left with nothing. Life can be cruel, and it doesn’t keep any debts. You will surely get what you deserve whether you like it or not. Value life when it is with you, you never know when you lose it. I am this close to losing life or the meaning of it. Here I am trying to get back my life, I am late and hope to reach there on time. I have done a hell lot of mistakes in my life, this is probably the biggest one. I hope I am able to do my confession.’

3 years back

The cafeteria of St Stephens, one of the most popular school of the city was filled with the students as it was the time of recess. But there she was sitting on the top of the bench in class 9^th A with sadness on her face and eyes filled with tears which can start overflowing anytime. As a tear rolled down her cheek and was about to fall on ground, a hand caught it and said,” Interesting, it just seems like normal tear. I didn’t expect your tears to be like everyone’s.” The girl looked at the person who uttered this and asked,” What do you mean?”. The boy replied,” You are Ananya Malik, daughter of one of the richest family in the city. I thought maybe when you cry, there is something valuable coming in form of tears.” Ananya felt irritated and said,” Just Shut up and mind your own business.”

The boy didn’t take her word seriously, sat next to her and opened his tiffin box and started eating. He offered her to eat, to which she refused making her face weirder. The boy replied,” You need energy even to cry. So, if you want to cry more, you need to eat something.” Ananya lifted her face angrily and as she saw him innocently looking at her, her entire anger on him went away and she just gave a small laugh. The boy felt happy seeing this and extended his hand towards her. She extended her hand also and as they did the handshake, the boy replied,” Raghav Mehra.”

As Ananya took a bite from Raghav’s tiffin, he asked about the reason for crying. As soon as she heard that, she stopped chewing thought for a moment and completely ignored the question. Raghav asked again, this time more firmly and added,” Come on, tell me atleast. You will feel better. Besides nobody will believe me even if I tell anyone. You know I am a nobody.” He was right. Raghav was a scholarship student who because of the scholarship offered by the government was able to study in such a hi-fi school. As he was from a middle-class background most rich students ignore him like anything. But he loved his own company. Many students didn’t even know his name just like Ananya. He is like a leaf in a bunch of flowers. Everyone knows he is there but all everyone see are the flowers.

Finally, Ananya gave in and became ready to share her story. She asked him not to tell anybody and he agreed. Ananya told him about her parents who are getting divorced and she couldn’t handle it. She choose her mom, but she also has fear of losing her father. She described everything going on in her mind. For a moment, she herself was surprised to share so much to a stranger than her friends. After listening to her quietly, Raghav finally spoke up,” So, What’s the problem? Your parents have decided that and it’s their decision. You need to respect that. Besides, every weekend you will be able to meet your father. So hardly you will miss him. Embrace changes. Life’s not always still. Ups and Downs are part of life and it will be better for you to embrace them and move on.”

Ananya was quite impressed with the maturity with which he explained her the entire situation and how to cope up with that. She was thankful to him. He told her that this was pretty simple as she needed someone to listen and her friends can do that, so why was she crying in the class alone. She told that most of her friends are with her due to her status and they don’t care about her. They just like to gossip about things and nobody was good enough to have listen to her misery. Raghav got the point and told her to approach him if anything goes wrong. He can listen and moreover can’t tell anybody even if he wished to which was an added benefit. Ananya told him that she will keep that in her mind. The bell rang which indicated the end of recess. As Raghav went to his bench Ananya asked him not to tell anyone that she talked with him, lest her friends would gossip about it too. To this Raghav said,” Who will believe me even if I told that ‘the Ananya Malik’ talked with me. Don’t worry lips zipped.”

Two months back,

The students of 12^th A were playing Football and so was Raghav with them. He was good in sports and that’s the reason he got the scholarship. They were preparing for the Inter-School Football championship and with Raghav in the team they were definite to win just like last three years. Raghav took a break for rest and as he sipped through his bottle, his phone beeped. A message from Ananya which said,” Need to meet, come asap.” A lot has changed in last three years. The conversation in the recess three years back has paved way for an amazing friendship or companionship, its complicated. There is a special arrangement between the two. Whenever Ananya needs to share something, they meet and talk. It’s kind of like the Confession in the church where the father listens too and advises the person doing the confession. Same goes here. Whenever Ananya calls, Raghav goes, hears her out, advises her and sometimes solves her problem. Nobody has any idea about them as with others they still behave as they barely know each other. Ananya doesn’t thinks much about this arrangement and don’t recognizes her thoughts for Raghav. She likes his company and just whenever she thinks or need to share about anything, the only person who comes in her mind is Raghav. She thinks that Raghav does this because he thinks her as his friend, but for Raghav it’s not just friendship, its way more complicated.  

Raghav told his team to practice as he has some work and would join them shortly. Raghav went to meet Ananya. They have a special spot in their school which is kind of store room and nobody cares to come there. Raghav found that spot as in his initial days whenever he wanted peace, he used to come there. They have named it as ‘the Confession room’. As Raghav reached the spot, Ananya was already there. With the look of it, she seemed excited which made him relieved as he guessed it would be some good news which she might wanted to share.

Raghav: Miss Ananya Malik, this better be important. I left my practice for it.

Ananya: It is, atleast for me. Besides, entire school know we are going to win this as you are in the team.

Raghav (smiling): Don’t flatter me. Tell me fast what is it?

Ananya: Rohan said yes!

Raghav (confused): For what?

Ananya: For a date, you Dumbo!

For a moment Raghav was shocked. He wasn’t able to grasp what she just told. He felt pain too listening that and tried harder to control his reactions, lest Ananya might see it. He came back to his senses and brought a smile on his face and told her that he was happy for her.

Rohan was in another section 12^th B who was the most popular boy of the school. Ananya had huge crush on him. Rohan knew Raghav because of football. Raghav introduced Ananya with Rohan. He might be regretting his action now.

Raghav: But when will you go? Exams start from Monday. Don’t you need to study?

Ananya: We are going on Saturday. An entire day with Rohan. I am too excited

Raghav: What about my match? Don’t you come to cheer me up?

Ananya: You know you don’t need my cheering. You are already going to win. Besides football sucks and my mom won’t allow me to go. So, I will give the excuse of seeing the match and spend time with Rohan.

Raghav was devastated on the inside. He realized his worth in Ananya’s life. He was about to cry, but controlled himself for a moment and abruptly left the spot telling that he needs to practice which felt a bit odd to Ananya. He went directly to the football ground and vented all his frustration on the practice. This was his way of calming himself and letting out everything.

St Stephens won the Inter-School Football championship again, and all thanks to Raghav for his exceptional performance. He was different, as if something has hit him so hard that he became a rock. He played like a champion and it seemed, he was angry and with every goal he made, he felt calm. He was still stuck on his last conversation with Ananya.

The final exams were over and Ananya had called Raghav to meet. Raghav was in the dilemma as he didn’t want to let his guard down and express his feelings in which case, he knew he will get rejection. Eventually he gave up and went to meet her as in the vacations they might not be able to meet and after that no one knows where they might land. Besides Raghav also had something to tell her.

Ananya: You are late. I am waiting from quite some time.

Raghav: Just tell me why did you call me?

Ananya: Oh! Feels like Mr Footballer has no time. Congratulations by the way. See I told you, you don’t need my cheering.

Raghav (irritated): Just get to the point Ananya.

Ananya: Ok! Chill, don’t be rude. I am going to propose Rohan. I really liked him.

Raghav was startled listening this and couldn’t control his emotions and spoke: But you just went for one date. How can you be so sure?

Ananya: Aren’t you happy for me? Till how much time will I bother you for my things. If I have Rohan, you don’t need to listen to my stupid talks.

Raghav: You know I don’t mind listening to you, I love it. Don’t give stupid reasons to justify it. And don’t include me in your decision. I don’t approve of it. You barely know him.

Raghav’s emotions were overpowering his thoughts and what he was speaking. It was visible that he didn’t want Ananya to propose Rohan and could do anything for it.

Ananya was pissed on listening this and said: Why do I feel that you don’t want me to propose him. It’s my life and my choice. Don’t be jealous. Just because I tell you everything doesn’t mean I should listen to you. I will do what I want and you mind your own business. Bye.

As Ananya started to walk away, Raghav stopped her to tell something, but she didn’t turn back. Raghav was talking to her back.

Raghav: I am leaving for Goa for the football academy. I got selected and also got scholarship. This can be our last meeting

Ananya (without turning): Good for you. Anything else?

Raghav: Won’t you miss me? What if you want to share something?

Ananya: I will figure it out and I don’t think I would miss you. I just told you things, not that I had any feelings for you. Bye, have a safe journey.

It was clearly visible that words came out because of anger, but were those words true. Raghav wondered if his place in her life was just that much. 3 years won’t matter her and was he just a confession listener. Raghav was devastated by this. His heart was broken. He felt thankful to his mind as he didn’t express his feelings as the situation would have been worse. He understood his position in her life. Raghav sat there, cried and for the first time in his life he vented his emotions with tears.

It’s been two hours since he was crying, remembering each moment with her and finally he was ready. He knew that it was her loss as she has lost a person like him. He stood up, picked his phone, blocked her number and moved ahead never to look back to this school or its students.

As she remembered everything, she told Raghav, she was in tears. She knew how much bad she felt that day after going home when she last met Raghav. She sure in hell was going to miss him as the moment he told that he was leaving, she felt a hole in her heart which can’t be filled by anyone. But at that time, she was too angry to express or so madly excited for Rohan to become her boyfriend.

As she went to tell him her feelings, she found him having dinner with one of her classmates. As she approached there and told her feelings, he laughed it off and told her that it was just a date and how can she approach like that. He told her that he doesn’t do relationships and created a scene in the restaurant enough to break any girl’s self-respect.

The insult by Rohan made her realize what she had done to Raghav. It was Raghav who was every time when she needed anyone and she pushed him away. She took him for granted and never respected him for what he did for her. She realized what a grave mistake she has done. He helped her every time without asking for anything in return and what she had given him was her ego and disrespect. She felt bad about their last meeting when she told that she wouldn’t miss him and she had no feelings for him. She realized she was absolutely wrong about both things.

Raghav have tried a lot to move one, but it’s not easy to move on from someone who was part of your life for such a long time. But he is trying and venting his emotions on his practice. He practices much more than any other player leaving others wondering what he has gone through. He has got that fire which is good to some extent, but in excess will burn himself and only Ananya can help him with that.

A month has passed and she remembers Raghav every day, but at the same time she wouldn’t be able to face him because of what she has done. She tried calling but he had changed his number too. The only way to talk to him was to meet him and for that she needs to go to Goa. She was depressed and it started affecting her health. She slept in gaps and her eyes had dark circles. She was losing herself. As she was in one of her nap, she remembered an incident with Raghav, when he promised her that even if the entire world is against her including himself, don’t hesitate to come to him. Though she will be wrong, he will hear her out in any circumstances and whatever the situation maybe he will try to understand her point of view. She woke up packed her bag and left for Goa.

Present day

‘Here I am anxiously waiting to reach Goa, to undo my actions, to beg forgiveness. I know how much I hurt Raghav. I just met Rohan and I felt bad when he insulted me. I know how much bad Raghav might have felt. I hope he listens to my confession, my final one.’

She reached the academy and asked for Raghav. She was told that all the players are practicing for the upcoming tournament. She went to the ground and saw Raghav practicing. The dedication with which Raghav practiced and played football was what impressed Ananya. As a break was announced all players went to relax and gain energy, Raghav still practiced. Ananya can see that something’s wrong and she knew exactly what that was. She went to the ground near him and suddenly their eyes met. It was as if their lips were shut and the eyes did all the talking. So many questions and so much to explain. Finally, Ananya spoke up,” I have a confession to make.”